The first few months of your life have gone undocumented because there simply wasn't time to blog it. I have lots of pictures and blurbs on Facebook and Instagram during small breaks in the day about your progress in life but actual written down documentation? Nope. Because you just wanted to be held. Or nurse until i thought i was literally going to dry up because there couldn't possibly be any more milk left but there always was.
You came into this world screaming and scared your sister. Yes, that's right. She was there when you were born. Well, not in the room but she was in the house. She was SO excited for you to 'pop my water balloon' and come play with her. She really didn't want much to do with you the night you were born because you were so new and loud but the next morning, oh, she fell in love. And she fell hard.
She loves your tiny hands and feet and the way that you always burst into a smile when you hear her voice. Those first few weeks of your life she marveled at you as we all did.
You just wanted to be held close. You wanted to smell me at all times. At times i felt like i was drowning in your love and not always in a good way. Your attachment was and still is fierce. There were many times when your poor dad took you so i could get a break for a few minutes and you wanted nothing to do with him but would calm as soon as i got you back. Your love for me is overwhelming at times but it's taught me so much about patience and endurance.
At a week old I decided it was time to do newborn pictures. You were less than thrilled with the idea.
As time has gone on, you've settled into our lives and it seems like you've been here forever. You are amazingly strong considering you're so tiny. At just a few days old you were lifting yourself up off my chest for about 10 seconds at a time. You started to roll from front to back at only 2 months old! You're a champ at tummy time and i think that's mostly because you prefer to sleep on your tummy. At four months old now you will rotate and wiggle yourself around when you're on the floor towards whom ever is nearest. You're dang close to army crawling which is impressive but please, for the love of pete, slow down little one. I'm not yet ready to have you be mobile. You've recently started testing your vocal range and boy, can you yell! You like to yell at the animals on the jungle mat or the butterfly toy i've attached to your swing. I think you're mad because you can't get them into your mouth.
You still fit into your newborn and 0-3 month clothing. I get asked all the time if you came early and chuckle when i tell folks that you were indeed 3 days 'late' and they were the longest three days of my life. At your four month appointment you weighed in at 11 lbs and 6 oz and are exactly 24 inches long.
We had a little trouble with nursing in the beginning but now, it's second nature. You have a temper that flares up and sometimes, the only way to calm you down is to literally shove your face onto my breast and you make these angry grunting sounds until the milk starts to flow and then you relax into it. If you're REALLY upset about something, you'll pop off every few seconds at first to let out a little angry cry then latch back on grunting away and after a few minutes, you go limp and let out little sighs between gulps. And those moments are bliss. At two months old you started to reach your hand up to my face and now your favorite thing to do while nursing is to gently wave your arm around until you collide with my face and explore it a little. Sometimes you'll stop nursing all together to gurgle and coo at me and boy does that just melt me into a puddle of mommy.
Nursing you is a bittersweet experience for me. I wasn't able to make it work with your sister so having this sort of relationship is new for me and it's made me shift in my feelings towards my whole mothering experience. I know, you're the second babe, i should have expected it to be different but i didn't realize that i would feel THIS different about everything. When everything seems so chaotic in life, taking those 10 minutes to nurse you changes my perspective. It forces me to slow down and settle into life again and realize that there are indeed things that i need to let go of.
You came into our lives at a time when we seemed to need you the most. Your Daddy and I hoped for you for a long time and these first four months have been magical. You've grown so much over these first four months and you never cease to amaze us. Thank you Sweet Girl for choosing us, we're so so glad you're ours.
p.s. i'm going to try to be more on top of blogging about you now that you seem to have figured out this whole napping thing.